Hunting For Hidden Gold (last part)

So I went down to investigate, this was about a month ago, while the workers were taking their dinner break and left the hole unguarded. I climbed down the ladder, and what I found there astounded me! I don't know if I should write about it here because no one will believe me. I'll just say that there was no gold, but there was an underground world that was as vast as an entire continent! There I discovered a utopian society and a community of people who worked together without conflict or self-interest. I was introduced to a new kind of sex with no reproduction or disease, a delicious but healthy diet, and music that is composed and played with the human mind.

When I returned to the surface, just this morning, I found out that I had missed the election (though fortunately I had voted by absentee ballot through the free but efficient and reliable underground mail system). I emerged from the earth to find the president gripping, Rumsfeld had gotten the axe, and the Wisconsin's love nazis had voted that gays and non-christians had no right to exist. I felt like the groundhog-- I didn't know whether to come out of the hole or stay down there. But like the groundhog, I realized that no matter what I did we'd still have an ungodly amount of bitter, miserable winter left.